In early 1994, inspired by CERTain events (such as CA-94:01), I wrote a little ditty all about this great joy of forced or otherwise unwelcome digital entry.

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UID Zero
(to the tune of "Comfortably Numb" by p_floyd)

Hello?
Is there anybody in there?
Just uudecode this program I send you,
be sure to install it as root!
Come on, now, I hear you think you're secure
Well, I can hack your site, get you feeling paranoid again..
Relax,
I need some information, first.
Just the basic facts,
Do you run SunOS?

There are no hackers, you are hallucinating.
No network sniffers on the Internet..
CERT is sending out advisories in waves..
Your tripwire sounds, but all your checksums are OK
When I was a child, I hacked a system
Default passwords floated out like balloons,
Now I've got that feeling once again,
I can't explain, you would not understand,
It's just what I am.
I
Have become
UID Zero...

Okay,
Just a little wiretap (click)
There'll be no more hacking...ahhhhhhhh!
But you may feel a little sick
Can you get a lawyer, I do belive you'll need one, good
But there's always still payfones,
2200+1700hz, who uses quarters anymore?

There are no hackers, you are hallucinating
No network sniffers on the Ether
CERT is sending out advisories in waves..
Beta copies of SATAN are probing your domain
When I was an admin, I found a wiley hacker
storing AT&T source on my machine
I turned to look, but he was gone,
US West says ANIF, my syslogs are shorn, the hacker is gone
I
Have become
UID Zero..


There, wasn't that just beautiful? I thought you'd think so.

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James W. Abendschan
jwa@jammed.com

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